Saturday, June 21, 2008

My Fortress Of Solitude

My Fortress of Solitude;

It's 1:15 AM. The summer solstice. It's going to be a long day.

10 minutes ago I was lying comfortably on my single bed. Brown, red, and orange striped top sheet askew, but comfortably draped across my naked, bony body. I was enjoying the second light sprinkle from the heavy but patchy clouds hanging over this 80 degree night. The Honey Moon is waxing, but looms large as it floats across the night sky accompanied by Jupiter and it's moons.

I was thinking about my upcoming trip down to Carmel Valley and picturing sleeping and spending my time in different surroundings. It seems ironic that a here and now kind of guy like me will get up from a comfortable situation with the compelling need to write about next weeks events. So here I sit with a cup of freshly brewed, personal blend coffee and organize my musings. Amen.

I looked up the origins of the word, "Amen", earlier this evening and found it was just as I remembered from when I researched it in 1969. The difference being then I had to visit various libraries and search through a lot of books to find results. Now I simply type what I am looking for in Google and I have access to thousands of peoples research. "Swearing to the Egyptian Sun God that what I said is true", is pretty much the meaning of Amen. That's another 1st commandment deal breaker. I think I'll stop saying amen.

The 25th of June is Crissy's birthday. If she were alive, she would be 56. We, Chris' family and I, are going to have her birthday dinner together in Chrissy's little village. Earlier in the day we will visit her memorial tree at Rippling River and affix a plaque on her memorial bench in Carmel Valley Community Park. She wont be there, but we will bring her spirit with us to enjoy the party.

I was just outside on my patio/balcony. The clouds are lit up white against a blue black sky by the brightly glowing Honey Moon. I couldn't see Jupiter so I guess it doesn't exist anymore. Self improvement is an on going process. I still smoke the occasional cigarette. Somehow, I am convinced that it assists my pain medication as well as helping me to calmly focus my thoughts. I have spoken with God about this and discussed whether or not smoking is disrespectful to this body he created for me to spend life in. I rationalize that 3 packs a day would clearly be an insult to him, but that these few that I smoke probably aren't too harmful. I at least try to smoke all natural American Spirit organic tobacco cigarettes.

God lifted my desire to drink as soon as I asked for his help. I guess He will do the same with cigarettes when it's time.

I will get to see a few of my friends on my trip and see how people in my old AA home group are doing. I feel uncomfortable about leaving my fortress of solitude for a week and it bothers me that I am even worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet. I guess I am not as firmly attached to the now as I thought. Writing this helps. Serenity has returned and I am relaxed and comfortable once more. Ahhh. Looking outside I can see Jupiter once again, all is well.

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